So you’ve been on campus for three weeks. This is a good time to take an inventory on where you are socially.
When reflecting on your social life, it is important to look at two areas. The first, have you maintained adequate contact with the friends you had prior to starting the fall semester?
The second, are you taking effective steps toward building new relationships? Let’s take a closer look at each of these questions.
Many of you created close friendships, romantic relationships and strong family ties before you arrived on campus this fall. Take a few minutes right now and think of all the people who have meant so much to you these past twelve months.
Let yourself see their faces, hear their laughs and sit back and enjoy the thoughts and feelings that begin to surface for you.
Those feelings are a nice reminder of how much these people mean to you. So now for the inventory taking — how often have you made contact with these great people in the last three weeks?
I know you are busy with the adventures of a new semester, but we need to make time to stay in contact with those we care about. Maintaining healthy relationships is like having money in the bank.
We put deposits into our bank account so we can withdraw the money as needed. Relationships are similar. We must put deposits of thoughtfulness into the relationship to build up the goodwill between the two of us.
This way, when we hit a bumpy patch in life or in our relationship, we have deposits of goodwill that we can draw on from our friends without draining or burdening them.
So what are some deposits of thoughtfulness we can make?
For friends who are not at SIUC, we can call, email, text, twitter and respond to their facebook page. Let them know what weekend you’ll be home. Take a photo of yourself, your room, dinner, textbook or campus and send it to friends with a funny text.
For our friends at SIUC, we can see them, spend time with them, ask how they’re doing and then really listen to their responses. Keep in contact with them so you don’t drift apart.
Now to part two, what have you done to make new friends over the past three weeks?
Going to house parties and meeting 50 new people, saying hi to fellow students in class or smiling to a fellow resident in housing is making acquaintances.
To make new friends we have to learn and remember their names. Get to know them — learn about their “home,” what interests them, how they spend their day, what are their passions or quirks, what do you have in common?
Have you spent enough time with people to start to learn this information? Have you taken the risk to share yourself with them? These are the steps we need to take in meeting people and creating new relationships.
Now that you’ve taken your social inventory, assess which areas need improvement and take action to maintain or create relationships. If your assessment informed you that you’re doing a great job, celebrate with your friends.
Simmons, Phd., is the director of the Counseling Center.
