What is emotional regulation? Emotional regulation includes the ability to express a range of emotions and react in appropriate ways in emotional situations.
People who are able to regulate their emotions usually adjust well to new people or situations, show a high tolerance for frustration, manage their negative emotions and consider the needs of others.
People who have difficulty regulating their emotions may have trouble showing emotion, cry excessively, feel overwhelmed, have difficulty coping or engage in inappropriate behaviors in response to intense emotions.
There are three components to emotional regulation skills. The first part requires us to understand our emotions. Being able to identify the function an emotion serves is an important first step towards learning to regulate emotions — especially learning how to reduce painful emotions.
It is important to remember that our emotions always serve a purpose. Emotional behavior can communicate to others how we are feeling, it can motivate us to take action, it can describe how something is affecting us, and it can be used to influence or control someone’s behavior.
For example, expressing anger — such as by yelling — lets someone know we are mad, tells ourselves we are mad and can sometimes persuade someone to stop doing something. In this way, expressing anger serves several purposes.
Have you ever had an intense feeling that you did not want to deal with? Did you feel as though the emotion might overwhelm you if you allowed yourself to feel it? If you answered yes to either of these questions, you are certainly not alone.
Feeling painful emotions such as anger, guilt, anxiety or shame can be difficult and it may be tempting to fight or avoid them. For example, if a friend says or does something that makes us feel sad, we may try to stop feeling sad to avoid getting more upset about it or feel angry with ourselves for feeling sad, which often causes these feelings to intensify and linger. In other words, when we try to deny painful emotions, we are guaranteed to suffer. Therefore, the second part of emotional regulation involves decreasing our emotional suffering.
It is important to understand that the point is not to get rid of the emotions, but to decrease the intensity of them.
The third part of emotion regulation involves reducing our vulnerability to emotions. Sometimes we can start to feel overwhelmed by our emotions, especially when we are already feeling stressed or down. We can’t make a “no-bad-days” guarantee, but there are a few things you can do to help yourself.
A good night’s sleep is one of the most important things you can do to increase your ability to bounce back emotionally. It can help you get through your days with less emotional turmoil.
What you eat also affects your emotions. Feeling bad emotionally can lead to urges to eat junk food, to eat too much or to skip meals; at times, poor diet can leave you feeling worse. Regular exercise is a great way to maintain a more stable emotional system.
Making a commitment to take good care of you can reduce emotional ups and downs.Self-care can be any activity that promotes good health and relaxation. With all the demands you are facing, this can be easier said than done. However, the time you spend on self-care will pay off because it improves your emotional well-being.
In the next article of this series, specific strategies on how to understand your emotions, decrease emotional suffering, and reduce emotional vulnerability will be discussed.
Beckjord, Coulter and Monty are professional psychology interns at the counseling center.
