2008 Woodie Awards
Column: Ramble on, ramble on
Jordan Wilson
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Technology: You're not the boss of me (anymore)
My grandma doesn't know how to work the DVD player.
My mom can't change the ink in the printer.
My grandpa probably thinks MP3 is a move in "Battleship."
For some, technology is more a head-scratching nuisance than amenity. For me, technology has always been a time-waster.
I could waste a day reading about iPod knock-offs or endlessly indulge in some good old-fashioned Facebook creeping (don't act like you haven't done it.) A free minute could easily be filled by going to Best Buy and oogling over new gadgets or checking out personal hard drives so big I could never fill them.
It was a time-wasting tradition I was proud of. At any point, I could watch the hours fly by like seconds.
Then a curve ball. Technology changed my procrastination habits, like it was smart enough to know I was spending too much time with it. Recently, I discovered iGoogle.com.
It puts hours of Internet adventures onto one page. It's like showing up to Wal-Mart and the 182 items you need are already in your cart. Now I have no reason to get lost on the World Wide Web.
Thanks Google. You are one step closer to world domination.
Oh, and Google gave free voice mail to homeless people in San Francisco.
Make up your mind
What in the name of popsicles is up with this weather? I was outside sweating and playing tennis in 75 degrees Sunday. And now I'm going to have to go buy some long underwear for Tuesday. Snow? Seriously? Maybe southern Illinois should look into some sort of predictability when it comes to temperature. Quit with the schizophrenic conditions already.
At least this screwy situation will get me prepared for my not-so-spring spring break. Can't wait to spend the week in northern Illinois, working on my sun tan in scorching 25-degree heat.
Put the Kool-Aid down, please
The SIU men's basketball team's loss to Illinois State Saturday could have been a good thing.
What? Losing is good?
Let me explain. So many people - students, fans, even the media - were starting to drop the Salukis' name while mentioning potential at-large teams.
Now, all that nonsense can stop and the team can focus on what it really needs to do to get in the NCAA Tournament: Win the Missouri Valley Conference Tournament this weekend.
And c'mon. Who were you trying to fool? If the Salukis would have won last night and rode that wave all the way to the championship game before losing, they would have been 20-13.
Say that to yourself, 20-13. Not too impressive. Well, not impressive at all.
Now, that gibberish can stop. The Salukis need to march on through the arch before they can continue their streak of NCAA Tournament bids.
What a gentleman
Somehow, there's only about two months of the school year left. Then summertime kicks into full gear. Thinking about sunnier days got me thinking about some good times I've had in southern Illinois. Then it hit me. I forgot a major thing on my bucket list. A few weeks ago, I counted down the top things you must do in southern Illinois before leaving.
Now, I must amend my list.
You see, when summer comes so does the Du Quoin State Fair. Strangely enough, I don't really like fairs. The carnies scare me and I always spend like $45 trying to win my girlfriend something stuffed.
But the Du Quoin State Fair deserves to be on my list even though it's relatively awful.
Why?
Because there is a monkey that takes your money and shakes your hand. That's no typo. This little amazing monkey is dressed like a little boy. Hold out your hand, monkey takes your quarter.
Monkey then shakes your hand, pockets the quarter and tips his hat.
Some say this is animal cruelty.
I say this monkey is a miniature gentleman, and a sight to see.
Wilson is a senior studying journalism.
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